The Wine Knows

On Friday night, Melissa and I were leaving the gourmet dinner that is part of the annual Tri-Cities Wine Festival, held at the Tri-City Country Club in Kennewick, Wash.

Just as were about to pull out of the parking lot, a friend came up to our car and said my right headlight was out, and that's a cop magnet, especially at 11 p.m. on a Friday.

I said I'd drive carefully, and we were on our way.

Sure enough, less than five minutes later, a Washington State trooper pulled me over, informed me that my headlight was out and asked if I'd been drinking. I said I'd had a little wine over the course of a four-hour dinner (more on that later). He gave me a quick field-sobriety test, told me to fix the headlight, and sent us on our way.

Perhaps four minutes later, a Richland police officer pulled me over:

"Sir, do you know your right headlight is out?"

"Yes, I found that out four minutes ago from the state trooper who pulled me over."

He laughed, checked my license for outstanding warrants and sent us on our way.

Prior to Friday night, I had been pulled over exactly two times: once on the way home from Spokane (burned-out headlight on a different car) and once in occupied Syria by a bored Israeli cop who said I passed another car illegally (I hadn't). So it was mildly nerve-wracking to double that number in less than five minutes.

That said, I'm also glad police are on the lookout for drunken drivers because that makes our roads safer.

Back to the wine I had with dinner: This was a four-hour event with five courses and a wine served with each. I go to a lot of events like this. I like them because I get to see how the wines and food pair. I don't need to drink a lot to do this, and I surely do not want to drive drunk and get a DUI (that would kind of put a damper on my career, eh?).

Here's my strategy:

-- I avoid pre-dinner cocktails. For me, a martini adds nothing to my life.

-- If I know it's a long event (three-plus hours), I will drink more early. For example, if the meal is started with a sparkling wine, I'll probably drink the entire glass, which will be two or three ounces.

-- With each course, I'll take no more than a sip or two so I can see how each wine pairs with the food. Over five courses, this will likely be another two or three ounces total.

-- I will regulate the pours I am given and even mildly admonish a server who overpours. We are not there to drink; we're there to enjoy the meal, the wine and the people.

-- I will eat most of my food to make sure I am absorbing the mild levels of alcohol I do consume.

-- I will drink several glasses of water throughout the meal. I don't know if this really dilutes anything, but it keeps me hydrated and feeling fresh.

-- I will stop drinking any alcohol at least an hour before the event ends, at which point I switch to water, coffee or both.

So by the end of the night, I might have consumed five or six ounces of wine over a several-hour period, along with plenty of food and other nonalcoholic beverages.

Based on the fact that I am a man (women absorb alcohol into their bloodstream differently) and I have ample girth, there is simply no way I am ever going to approach 0.08, the level at which I would be legally drunk, as long as I follow these strategies.

The best way to avoid driving drunk is to not put yourself in a situation where you consume too much alcohol. Wine is first and foremost an agricultural product and a gift from nature. It deserves to be treated with respect and not as something to get boozed up with.

If you end up in a situation where you've had too much (or even think you're close), keep everyone safe and just take a taxi.