The Wine Knows

Dear Europe: We realize you have been making wine for a long time. We appreciate that. We also realize that a number of folks here in the New World misappropriated some of your names and perhaps sullied them a bit.

For that, we continue to apologize. But really, get over yourselves already.

When Ernst and Julio (and others like them) took names like "Chablis" and "Burgundy" and "Rhine" for crappy wines made from French Colombard, Carignane and other grapes grown mostly in California's Central Valley, that was just plain wrong. When California decided to start making "champagne" instead of "sparkling wine," the intentions were good, but it was still wrong.

We've gotten most folks to change their ways. Ernst and Julio's offspring haven't, but none of us really expected them to change, did we? And you have every right to be mad about Korbel and its "California Champagne." Seems that operation should be classy enough to knock it off.

But really, are we no longer allowed to use any French words? Do you seriously think that's a threat? We like the French. We appreciate you helping us out during our little skirmish to throw off the shackles of Britain. We were happy to return the favor a couple of times last century, as you might recall. And now that we're no longer under your flag, we like you, too, England. We love Italy, now that we're all on the same side. That love extends to Portugal, Spain, Germany and all you other wine-producing nations in Europe.

But really, just get over yourselves.

Yes, Washington's flagship winery, Chateau Ste. Michelle, dared to use the French word for "castle" in its name. It's meant to be a term of endearment. The good folks in Woodinville weren't trying to rip you off. If you've been there, you'll notice it does look like a castle (or a haunted house in some of its early labels). Look at it as an homage.

We're just a drop in the swimming pool here. Washington makes just 5 percent of America's wine, and America makes just 5 percent of the world's wine. A few bottles with the words "chateau" and "clos" are not threats.

Seriously, just move on already.